OK guys. Here it is… It’s a long read so just warning you…I’ve been dropping a lot of hints about my #newbeginnings and #newaventure recently and many of you have been asking and pushing me to “buss di secret” lol …. and there are a few I have been itching to tell. These past 2 & 1/2 weeks have been quite liberating as I have made a pretty huge life decision…. Most of you know that I have been working with my dad at Tent City Rentals for the past 4 yrs (close to) and planning for me to take over; but there are times in life when things just keep nudging you and knocking on your door that you are scared to acknowledge or open. That is what was happening to me for quiet sometime…. Sooo what’s my big secret/ new adventure?
I decided to resign from Tent City (a family owned company)…. It was something that I decided to do on March 2nd 2017. It wasn’t an easy decision to make and in fact I had been struggling with this decision for a little while, going back and forth; should I stay, should I go; back and forth. My heart was in it but there was just something knocking on my door. I was afraid to leave…very afraid. Guilt was one as I feared that if I left I would be abandoning my dad, even though there was absolutely no pressure from him to stay – which I appreciated. I was also scared of leaving a secure job and going out on my own. Working with family has perks sure… perks you would not get elsewhere. I was able to pretty much make my own schedule and I was able to bring my dog to work. Extra bonus lol… I enjoyed aspects of job especially going out on the sites and rubbing shoulders with people who… hello! planned Cameron Diaz’s wedding! That was seriously really awesome really great team YfatOren. However, there were also a lot of stresses, ones I cold not manage any more. God knows I tried… I really did. I meant well… I just struggled a lot and it didn’t help that I was not trained in business.
Anyhow… So that’s my big bomb… I resigned from my family business… At first (and still is to a point) it was liberating… knowing that now the stress is not for me to deal with any more (not my circus, not my monkeys) and now I can do what I want. Some of you know that I started baking on the side and it’s doing well for a little “side ting”. Now I’m excited that I can focus more on it and do other things. It still is quite liberating to know that I no longer HAVE TO get up and go to a job any more. That I can now do the things I want and really enjoy life.
It really has been a great 2 weeks and today is my official day where I get to do what ever I want which is very liberating. There are so many possibilities out there for me with no limits….
The other side, and I am going to be vulnerable here now, I have to admit that there is very much some fear I am feeling right now. Why? What fear? Well honestly, fear that I am incapable of doing anything else. I know this may shock some of you that I thought/ think that but I did and still sorta do. This sat on me and still somewhat does for a long time. You see, I came to Tent City after leaving a damn good paying job with Toucan Jamaica, so in a way Tent City was my fall back plan and now I’m choosing to leave it???!! What the hell have I done?! I’m 30, married and jobless… let me tell you… that shit is fucking scary. Most of you know that I have my B.F.A in Photography, which, yea people have asked if I’m gong to go back to it… It has crossed my mind and I have had a vision in my head which has never left me… but that was 7yrs ago… I went through a depression when I returned home and still struggle with it…I took 2 jobs when returning home and they did not really go well…. I had the best job in the world (for me at the time) right after I left college. I worked at a small portrait studio and produced some kick ass work…. But then I was blindsided and let go… The owner decided to close and because I was last hired I was first fired… So there went my dream/plan/goal of being able to work in the states…I was devastated. It was a Friday afternoon when she handed me my pay cheque and dropped the bomb on me that it was my last one and that I was not to come to work the next day.. I had clients I was to photograph!… No, she would handle it instead. BOOM! Just like that the rug was dragged from beneath me and that was the beginning of me falling flat on my ass. To make things worse the timing of it was really what killed it. It was in July and for those of you who know about OPT’s, the deadline for finding a sponsor was October; there was no way I would find a new job AND have them agree to pay $3000U.S to sponsor me in just 3 months or less. Following that, the Tuesday after I was let go I met in a car accident and was out of a car for I think 3 weeks… That was it. I was DONE. I decided to pack up and go back to Jamaica before my OPT ran out. Being in the states jobless on an OPT was not good and worse if it expired. I needed to get my ass outa there…
So now, after resining from a secure job, I’m experiencing a mix of those feelings from when I first returned home and feeling free. I have an amazing husband who I know supports my decision 100% as well as my “go to gal” my cousin, Sarah. I look to her for a lot of advice.
So now what am I going to do? I’m taking it one day at a time and making a plan. Trying not to let the negative thoughts get me down… trying to stay positive so any support is greatly appreciated… I know this was a long post guys so if you’ve gotten to this point thanks for sticking it through and reading it. I’m off on a new adventure that’s both terrifying and liberating at the same time… Who knows, maybe I’ll be like Oprah or J.K Rowling and in my older years be really successful. That would be really nice honestly because it’s a bit daunting to be 30 and jobless esp. in this country and economy.
Thanks for reading guys! xoxo