Life is a crazy ride…

“The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.”Eminem

In googling for top quotes about life I found this one. It’s not by anyone say, like Einstein or some other historic figure, but a very real and down to earth “average Joe” individual. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter who said it,…. the point is that it’s a very real and powerful fact about life.

Sadly what sparked this entry is finding out this morning that a friend of mine who sadly I did not keep up with as much – now I wish I did, had a stroke and is not doing so well. She is just 3 yrs older than I am. It has scared the living daylights out of me. Really has hit home for me and I am a little sad/ embarrassed that it took this to hit home…………..

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That was the start of this entry a year ago…….

I am ashamed to admit that it did not get finished and published….but I’m back to finish it and not for a good reason either…..July 10 – 13 2016 was another terrible one for the books…

Here in Jamaica a few of my good friends lost a very dear friend of theirs to suicide….. and following that the Orlando Shootings…..50 dead.. 53 injured. What the actual FUCK is going on in the world??!!

In regards to how this entry started I am very happy to report that my friend who suffered from a stroke is doing really well! She has regained most of her movements and speech which is wonderful. She isn’t 100% and still needs care but man alive GOD is good and she is progressing beautifully. I am really thankful for that.

What brought me back here is the suicide of this young woman. I have to say that I did not know her. Sure Jamaica is small so I might have met her and said hello to her a few times but nothing more than that, if that at all. It doesn’t however, take anything away from the sadness of the event. Out of respect for her, as well as her friends and family who might read this, I will not give any details. After all, I can’t even confirm anything and it really is not my place of business….

When we got the news it was my husbands best friend who told us. They had gone to school together and share mutual friends who were very close to her. It was all a complete shock to everyone…. and to me as well. My first thoughts go to her and her struggles…..I have cried a few times when thinking of her…… not because her lost affected me like it affected her friends and family …but because I know what she was going through… some sense…

It’s ironic really.. how you can be friends with someone for years and never truly know them yet you can meet someone for the first time and in those few moments you understand them more than anyone else they ever knew….. or in my case never having met her at all.

The day after hearing the news there was an eerie calmness over me. My soul was completely tuned in to my surroundings and tuned in to her. Listening out. speaking out to her….. telling her that I was sorry…I was sorry for her suffering…

When I watch/read/listen to how some people react to suicide (and not just this event but others both close to home and around the world) I realize that those who do not struggle with depression really have no idea…. they can never and will never understand the thoughts of suicide. Now it’s no fault of their own and they can’t be blamed…. in fact maybe it’s best for them because it is not something to be wished onto anyone…. Sure some people view suicide as a cowardly, cruel, selfish act etc, but realistically it is not (in my opinion anyway)…. it is something that takes an immense amount of strength, courage and commitment to inflict pain/death on yourself…. Can you imagine sitting their.. mulling over your tools, a plan of action and execution? I swear to you it has got to be one of the MOST PAINFUL situations on earth….Having a fight with yourself is one of the hardest fights to have… You know what they say.. “You are your own worst enemy” and let me tell you…it really is true… and it is amplified 10 fold when depression plays a part…

Sure I can understand when people say that suicide is selfish as I read a saying once that says: “Suicide doesn’t end the pain.. it passes it on to someone else.” and yes this is true… this is very true and it is what keeps a few alive but, for how long? This may be what those who have had suicidal thoughts hold on to for a while but you never know what can happen one moment to suddenly tip them over the edge and send that life line flying out of their desperate hands…

This is my view:

I imagine a person… drowning…gasping for air. Grabbing at the oceans waves in a dark night storm, trying to stay afloat. Images of their boat and life line flash in front of them with each flash of lightening. A line is cast out but missing them time and time again. Finally, they grab a hold of it and, though with difficulty, they manage to put the life ring around them. They can now keep their head above water, and catch their breath. Huge waves still hitting them, still keeping them out at sea…  BUT they are holding on… they have that life line and feel somewhat safer. The waves keep coming. Crash after crash of the waves.. Choking on water but still, they have that life line……. then suddenly a huge swell comes… slowly.. drawing it self up higher and higher…. They look up.. slowly.. to see a huge wave towering over them. It has the face the devil, laughing deeply at them as it stares down…. They sigh… knowing exactly what is about to happen. The wath in slow motion just as predicted: The rope… it SNAPS…and it’s in that instant that all hope is forever lost and they are gone… just like that….The huge wave comes crashing down and the sea is suddenly calm again….. but only for a few moments until the storm of a loved one begins to brew….

Suicide is so many different things to so many people…. what I described above is what I see in my mind….What may be a cowardly act to some is the only way out to others… so don’t judge.. it’s not your life.

I didn’t write this to start controversy or anger or whatever. I wrote this to express my feelings and to offer some respect to those who have passed. I don’t get angry at those who chose to go that way; my heart breaks for them.. I just want to reach out and hold them so close. I’m welling up with tears just now as I type this and think of them. Their hurt is my hurt… I feel pain when I hear these stories and it doesn’t matter if I knew them or not. It’s not something I would ever wish on someone… not even my worst enemy…

All this crap going on in the world… Young people being taken so soon. Murdered, accidents, suicide which ever. I just read a post about a friend having an accident at wok and having lost and eye (to be confirmed)

“Life can change in any second.” is NOT a saying to shrug your shoulders at…. hold your loved ones close; tell those around you that you love them. Take time to spend with each other and NOT on your bloody phones… LOOK UP! Have respect, look into their eyes and really SEE THEM. LISTEN to them…have an actual conversation for once.

Watch this video below and cry. I know you will cry. When I saw this video it moved me to tears. It is so powerful and really makes you think about those in your life and really makes you just want to grab and hold them and look into their eyes for the 4 mins or maybe even more…

Prudential Relationship Reconnect in Singapore:
Relationships Reconnect

Many of us have lost loved ones in the blink of an eye…. that stuff isn’t only in movies… it’s real life and we need to never forget that!  Don’t take life and everything in it for granted.

“The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.”Eminem


Love to you all my friends…. xoxo

Crazy A


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