Life is Ever-Changing…

Hey guys,

So one morning I did a little voice recording of me… talking.. It was pretty strange to me as it was the first time but I was inspired in that moment to do a blog post and well clearly I couldn’t since I was driving. (Inspiration sometimes comes at the most awkward times… lol)

I have been tossing up wether I will post that recording or if I will just refer to it as a transcript. Maybe the later for now as it’s the first one and kinda raw and needs some editing.

change

Anyhow, for the past 2 mornings I have changed my route to work as the one I took before, though relatively quicker, was 5x more stressful! There is this one long strip (Barbican Road for those who live here) where the traffic is but it moves, which is good. The issue is that, on that road there are two side roads where cars take advantage of ANY inch of space between you and the car in front of you. So sometimes 6 people drive out on you at one time causing me to curse and get angry, blow my horn while simultaneously watching for: 1. Not hitting the car in front of me when I try to close the space to not let them in. 2. Make sure I don’t let them in while also making sure I don’t get hit by them! And 3. Hoping and praying the person behind me doesn’t hit me!

The drivers on the Jamaican roads have no respect for the law or anyone else for that matter. There is simply too much stress to deal with on the roads. This sends my BP sky high, and I start my mornings with anger and frustration! Really not the best way to start days and it affects the rest of the day too because the drive home is the SAME bloody ordeal, so I changed that route as well. Nah sah! mi cyan tek it no more. I have found 2 other routes that yes have a little more traffic but they are 10x LESS stressing and that’s what I need in my life right now. Less stress. I have too much emotional stress happening with me. One (1) major stressor being the fact that my mother and I are not on speaking terms.. my choice. why? Well simply because quite frankly she doesn’t give a damn that she has hurt my feelings and does not see the need or reason to apologise. I don’t care that it’s a mother daughter relationship. It is a basic aspect of respect from one human being to another. (Anyhow, now and here is NOT the time for that discussion) Two (2) Being work as it is a very rough time right now and (3) being the fact that my bestie has moved away for a year and my social life has literally DROP DEAD dwl. (Not trying to make you feel guilty – mi just luv yuh)

So anyhow back to the rant before. In addition to switching my route, I also have discovered the wonders of green tea. I visited with my cousin the other day after her return from her awesome adventure to Dublin Ireland (Jealous!)  and that is where I tried it for the first time. I have recently joined the “Tea Lovers World” and well I love it! The one down side I must admit is that it is quite expensive to expand your palette. A box of tea is rather expensive to buy when you don’t even know IF you will like the damn thing. I will say though, the other day I bought a box of Twinning’s Indian Chia Tea and that was a huge hit! I mean I knew I liked chai tea so I took a gamble and I won! Wooo Hoo for me! lol So back to the green tea. I tried it while visiting with my cousin and can I tell you, it was the first cup of tea I truly enjoyed down to the last drop! I was quite happy, excited and surprised all at once lol simply a wonderful experience.

So needless to say I went out and bought my own full box of the Tetley Green Tea and I had it both mornings that I changed my route. Man what a HUGE difference things have been! Maybe it’s the route, maybe it’s the tea that makes the route so great, maybe it was just those two morning I got lucky (It was on a Thursday and Friday after all so maybe Monday will be a different story) But I’d like to think it is both the tea and the new route together.

It could also be the fact that I had lunch with an aunt of mine to speak about what’s happening between my mom and I and it was a great convo. At first I was quite apprehensive as we don’t exactly have that type of relationship her and I, but honestly it was great! She offered some really great advice and also another aspect of thought as to what the root of this whole issue could be. So…. i guess recently I have been in a very reflective “trance” if you will. Analysing life on a whole and where I am, where I’ve come from, what I’ve come through and where the ferk I am going lol

I have read a few articles recently that have been floating around talking about this thing called “mindfulness.” I was intrigued and after reading those articles I have realised it is quite a powerful thing. Making annoying chores like cleaning, washing dishes, hell even sitting in traffic, special mindful moments. I also realised that that’s exactly the type of person I am. For so many years I feel I have been lost kind of, not really knowing and understanding myself as I have done some things that I have regretted (As most of us have) and I feel I did a lot of those things trying to impress people and trying to make others happy.

It’s a pretty big thing to say, I think, but hell, I think drinking rum was a huge part of that. Yes, I was always proud to be a daddy’s girl and to drink the same thing that he does (rum and pepsi) and over the years my drinks got stronger and stronger which meant I did some really stupid things… lol Not saying I didn’t have fun in the moment because let me tell you, my bestie and I….. man we had some pretty freaking awesome times! (**Cough cough** slept in bath tub **cough cough** hahahahaha) and I did with other people as well. But just looking back I realised that I really wasn’t happy being that person.

I found a part of me (the photography part) but I wasn’t complete. Maybe it was me back then and now I’m just getting older and changing but the point is I’m liking this me much better.

I am really looking at my life and who is in it. My husband for one has really contributed to this change in me more than I think he knows. I think also in my “older years” I’m settling and quieting down. Hell, maybe that is what you do when your married. (I just don’t wanna get boring lol – says the girl who now “blogs”) dwl I’m cracking up.

Anyhoo, I am stepping back and looking at who my friends are and seriously questioning each person and what value they have in my life. Yes I said value, but I don’t mean it in a way that I can “use” them but instead I mean value by asking questions such as: “Do they make my life better? Do they stress me out? Are they good for me? Are they going anywhere in life or are they going to hold me back?” Quite frankly, it’s high time I do that because I have held on to some serious A**holes. (One guy told me “Your just YOU thats why people don’t like you!” AND “I have class that’s why I could never “like” a girl like you!”  Well I dumped that asshole out of my life but held onto him for too long.

At this stage in my life, married and soon turning 29, I don’t need that in my life. I don’t need negative people trying to pull me down, I don’t need people in my life who are going to hurt me and not care. Steve harvey described life as a hill you are pulling a wagon up. Long story short is that you are the only one pulling that wagon but you need people on the wagon who will help you to push it. Sometimes people be sittin’ on that wagon all comfortable n ‘ish, only holding it back! It could be a friend, a co-worker, business partner, hell even your parents! You need people who will stick their feet out and help push, people who will move the rocks out the way.. etc.. you get the point.

Living the stress free, positivity flowing, healthy eating/being, tea loving, dance with my husband every day life is exactly what I need in my life right now and THATS what I’m going after. So if you are not game for that then that’s ok. But if you are and you are part of this with me then thats just freaking awesome and know that you are special to me.

The holistic life style is honestly a 180 degree turn from how I was before. A heavy rum drinker, bullshit playing (It’s a drinking game), carnival baby, whine up wine up on random people…. no no that’s me no more. Don’t get me wrong I still love my carnival but man them costumes too expensive! I need to start saving from now and maybe I will get 1/2 the money by next season, NO Star, dem dear! ppl teking loans out for that!! lol

I’m becoming a calmer, tea loving, stress/ drama free, blog posting, positivity flowing, green juice drinking person and I like it.

So here’s to a change in life…. because the only thing constant in life is well…. change and growth.

Embrace it, learn from your mistakes and “just keep swimming” =)

Crazy A

p.s: (Guess i decided not to post the recording lol – i just went for it

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